


illusion of the mind

by badgerfic (badgerxu)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, little to no dialogue, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:54:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24053977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgerxu/pseuds/badgerfic
Summary: in which the Avengers succeed in undoing Thanos’ mass genocide, and everyone that turned to ash has returned. everyone, except you. and that made loki’s mind play a cruel trick on the trickster god himself (reader died instead of loki)
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	illusion of the mind

“Loki, please.”

He woke up in sweat, chest heaving as he tried to focus on his surroundings. It was dark where he was, and he subconsciously reached his arm to the side to switch his bedside lamp on.

His breathing evened out as he took in his surroundings. Letting go of his grip on the bed sheets, he realized that he was still in his room at the Avengers compound. A quick look at the clock told him that it was almost 3 am. He let out a shaky breath, letting his head fall into his hands.

Standing up from his bed, Loki paced in his room. He rubbed his face vigorously, trying to wake himself up from the nightmare that had consumed his mind.

He had been like this ever since he and his brother Thor had moved in with the Avengers. Stark thought that it would be a good idea for the brothers to live in the compound, since they had nowhere else to go after Thanos decimated the ship their people took refuge on.

The dreams came back night after night, and they were always almost the same. Same place, same feeling of dread, same voice reaching out to him. The only thing that was different, what the voice was saying.

Loki sighed as he stood in the middle of his room. He couldn’t go back to sleep now. No, that would just bring the nightmares back. Instead, he left his room in favor of going to the kitchen for a glass of water. He passed by a few rooms, each containing a different sleeping Avenger. His bare feet padded against the cold hardwood floor, though he could not feel the cold at all.

He reached the kitchen, opening the lights to find a glass. Just as he was about to turn on the faucet, he heard it. 

“Loki.”

He stopped his movements, the glass almost falling from his grasp and into the sink. No, that wasn’t real. It couldn’t have been real. He was hearing stuff now.

“Loki,” the voice was closer now, maybe a few feet behind him. Slowly, he put down the glass. He inhaled, braced himself for what he would see once he turned around.

Loki closed his eyes and slowly turned to face the direction the voice came from. “You aren’t real,” he whispered, mostly to himself, still with his eyes closed. “You can’t be.”

“Loki, open your eyes,” the voice, your voice, said gently. He shook his head, clamping his eyes shut. He could feel the tears threatening to spill out if he opened them. “Loki, please.”

And with those words, the trickster god opened his eyes, to find you, the light of his life, standing in front of him. The tears that he fought back now streamed down his face, and a breath he did not know he was holding in rushed out of him.

“Y/N…” The god said, frozen on his spot. His voice shook, as did his body, as he tried to comprehend how this was happening. How you were here.

“It’s me,” you said, slowly stepping closer to him. His eyes grew wide as he gripped the counter behind him. This isn’t real, it can’t be real, he thought to himself… and he was right.

When he reached forward to touch your cheek, you vanished, just like one of his illusions. An illusion, it was just an illusion. My own mind is playing tricks on me. 

He heard a sob echo across the room, and when he saw that he was alone, he realized the sob came from him. He couldn’t breathe, his knees felt weak, sobs took over his body. He crumpled to the floor as he screamed out your name again and again. 

He hadn’t noticed the others rush outside of their rooms to see what was going. He hadn’t noticed that his brother had taken hold of him as he cried. He felt numb, and all he could do was chant your name.  
\--

_“Y/N, hey, no, no,” Loki held your body against his as he tried to put pressure on your wound. It was no use, you knew it. You were fading fast, and you knew that the ship could explode at any second._

_Your plan to strike Thanos from behind had backfired. Loki, who needed to distract Thanos long enough for you to put your blade through the Titan’s head, had accidentally met your gaze. This mistake had lead to Ebony Maw lifting you mid-air from your hiding spot behind a pillar, revealing you to Thanos._

_Loki watched in fear as Thanos gripped your neck, lifting you higher into the air. You uselessly grasped at his arms as your vision slowly faded to black. “There’s no need to kill her, my lord. She is only a mere mortal,” the trickster shakily tried to reason with the Titan._

_“Oh I think she’s more than that, my dear trickster,” Thanos said, letting you fall to the ground, gasping for air. Thor, bound to the ground, could only watch in horror as Thanos raised your sword and pierced it through you._

_Thanos closed his fist, and in an instant the entire ship went ablaze, and a portal teleported him and his children off. Loki limped toward you, pressing his hands against your wound._

_“Loki, you have to get to Thor,” you gasped out. You knew that if he didn’t free his brother from his bounds, none of them would survive this explosion._

_“No, I’m not leaving you here,” the trickster said, trying his best to carry you in his arms. He failed, he was too weak to barely lift his own body. “I can’t leave you here.”_

_“You have to, my love,” you whispered, lifting your hand to his cheek. He was sobbing now, you knew he couldn’t save you and Thor, and Loki knew it too._

_“I love you,” Loki whispered, pressing his forehead to yours, leaning into your hand on his cheek._

_You smiled, “And I love you… Please, go to your brother,” you choked out, blood pooling in your mouth. A loud boom went off in the rear side of the ship, and you hurriedly looked to Loki._

_“Loki, please.”_

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted on tumblr @badgerfic (go follow me!)


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